Things improved it seemed, though slowly. But there were setbacks. Each day was different.
The ‘felt so good to be home’ part swiftly faded unfortunately. I went straight to my bed to lie down when I got home. Nan fed me some chicken, rice and veggies in bed.
There is no way I could list all the amazing acts of love and selfless service that were extended to me and my family during this time. Each act was immensely appreciated, and gave me energy to continue forward. This experience opened my eyes to just how loving and compassionate people are inherently.
I wonder, is starving worse than drowning? I don’t know for sure, but I would guess it is. Because drowning can only last a couple minutes, and starving can go on for days and weeks even!
I wallowed in self-loathing, but it couldn’t last. I couldn’t die. I couldn’t vanish.
Here’s the latest post in… (For clarity, in case you are just now seeing these posts…this is the middle of my story from 2012 that I’m writing.
That was definitely the most painful day of my life. I feel like I keep saying that. Do I keep saying that?
I had a reprieve then for 30 minutes or so. And then they informed me they needed to do a CT scan in order to get a better look at what was going on in there. I didn’t think I could do it.
That evening Nan went out with the kids to a gathering with some friends and sent me this text: “Sometimes the Lord calms the storm. Sometimes he lets the storm rage and calms the soul.” The storm was certainly raging for us at this time.
I still ordered the gluten free options. I couldn’t bring myself to go back to eating gluten yet after everything I had read decrying it as a gut inflammatory with huge negative consequences. So that week I ordered the gluten free burger and in my starved condition it was simply delicious.
Facing reality head on can be hard. But my body’s self-destruction had to be faced. I was losing an average of one pound every single day.
During this increasing turmoil, our extended family and friends responded graciously and amazingly. People started showing up with food almost every day, removing the burden off Nan’s shoulders to prepare each meal for the kids. Then my parents drove in from eight hours away and stayed with us for days to help cook, and clean, and take care of the kids.
But as I lay there, not falling asleep, slowly the tight, burning in my butt returned. “What?? No!!!
On September 25th I read most of the book “Breaking the Vicious Cycle” by Elaine Gottschall in which she outlines a complete recommended diet for Crohn’s disease and Ulcerative Colitis (UC) called the “Specific Carbohydrate Diet” (SCD). Incredibly motivated, I implemented the diet the next day. Apparently hundreds of people had used the SCD to either cure or allow them to live with Crohn’s or UC without drugs and without pain.
“So what’s the treatment?” I asked. “What do we do now?
No sleep the entire night capped off with the full body workout intensity of those two enemas had me lying on the ground feeling barely alive. I knew I needed to get myself up the stairs and get dressed so I could make it to the Doctor’s office for the procedure. But I couldn’t muster the energy to do it initially.
Always great to read your thoughts. I have to tell you, in your note a week or two ago you said: "Everything is conspiring for my benefit". That line has become my mantra when I struggle with challenges of the day or to trust for a moment or two. But that line just magically coalesced and gathered some of the tattered edges for me and has been the bridge when I falter in my trust in it all. For whatever reason, that line says it for me!
I wrote it in big letters and it hangs r…
Such powerful words! Thank you. Yours came to me when I was really needing them. I was feeling a bit sorry for myself , I guess. I was bored with my day today… but you snapped me out of that and reminded me of all that is good in my life. I had planned on crawling into bed and just let the day get on. Now I’ve decided to go out and enjoy it. Put on an extra sweater instead of whining about the cool gray weather….. Thank you Aaron for the kind, insightful push!!
Thank you so much for your message…I am on a path similar to you..I am an NLP Life Coach and Reiki master and suddenly I am stuck, lost, frustrated and searching. So it is no accident that you showed up in my life. Thankful and looking forward to more conversations….peace and light to you…
Thank you for the morning lift! You are making my days start out on a positve thought ,thanks. Thoughtfully with love.