Life’s lessons

Sometimes I do things I’m not proud of.  At all.  On April 17 I did numerous things I am not proud of.  As a result of those things, I have been able to reflect a lot on who I am, what I stand for, and on who and how I want to be.

But first and foremost I feel it is appropriate to apologize publicly to Mark Reddinger and Eric Knopinski and all the Rangers at the Standley Lake Park in Westminster.  Also I have expressed an apology in person to Bill and Ken, The director and manager of the parks for Westminster, and I want to publicly apologize to the community in general for a selfish action.

Here’s briefly what I did:  I ran along the Shore of Standley Lake in the no trespassing Eagle Habitat area which is on the north side of the Lake even though I knew that I was not allowed to be in there.  Upon discovering that the Rangers were waiting to talk with me, instead of doing the responsible thing, I ran away thinking I could just run home a different way and avoid them.  I then posted a story of the experience on my blogs and to a list of other runners.  In the moments after running away and posting a story, I found relief in not being caught, and some humor in the situation.  I didn’t intend it as a slap in the face to those that serve to protect our community and parks.  But by doing what I did, and by posting about it online, it was a slap in their face and really the entire community.  And I’m very ashamed of that.

I have removed the posting of that experience because I don’t want anyone else to read it and suppose that I condone or support running away from law enforcement officers, or running through no trespassing areas, or disrespecting their community in any other way.  I made stupid decisions that day and anybody reading this now should know that for what it was.  The last thing I want is to cause problems for the parks or community or somehow encourage others to run where I did.

As a consequence of doing that I have been banned from the use of all Westminster city parks, trails, and facilities for 1 year.  I have also been charged with Trespassing and obstructing a police officer/ranger.  I don’t know the consequence of those charges because my court date is not until June 7.   No, I am not proud of either of those in any way, and I am ashamed to admit that.

I will share some of my thoughts and things I have learned as a result of this situation for anyone interested in reading further.

It was made very clear to me that I was acting selfishly and disrespectfully.  I was only thinking of myself when I was running and running away.  I wasn’t thinking of my duties as a father of 3 young children.   My duties to provide for them, and equally important, to set a good example for them.   In my mind those are among my greatest responsibilities.  I wasn’t thinking about the well being of my amazing wife and how my actions may affect her.  I wasn’t thinking about the safety or protection of the nesting eagles who I very possibly could have scared or disturbed by running through the area.  Fortunately they are monitored very close and I am told that no damage was caused to the young Eagles by my running through the area.  But had I scared them and caused any of the babies to leave the nest, they would not have been able to return and could have died.  I was not thinking about the fact that the park rangers are there to serve me and everyone else and that I owe it to them to respect them and give them my attention.  I was not thinking about the rest of the community who also enjoys using the park and the trails and how selfish it was of me to take it upon myself to use areas that nobody else is allowed to use for good reason.  And lastly, I wasn’t thinking about all those who enjoy running in parks and on trails everywhere, and who I gave a bad name to.  What I did has the potential to create a negative view on all runners and possibly reduce or limit running opportunities and cooperation with parks and cities.

This situation for me has been eye opening.

I wonder how I allowed myself to do such stupid things?  As a supposedly mature adult who definitely didn’t see himself as selfish and disrespectful, it was humbling indeed to see my actions for what they were.  It is clear to me now that  pride/arrogance was the root cause of my action.  And it is definitely not an easy process being humbled.  But I can say that I’m grateful that I am brought to humility on occasion.  Because I imagine if I wasn’t brought low periodically, perhaps I might have a much more painful crash and burn if my pride went unchecked for too long.

I’m brought to reflect upon those people I know and know of who are examples of strength and confidence but also humility.  Leaders and examples to others who are strong, but not arrogant.  People who have the utmost confidence in themselves, but whose primary aim is the service of others.  My Dad is one.  I have many friends who I look up to like that.  And there are some famous examples like George Washington and Abraham Lincoln who, in my opinion, were amazing individuals, whose primary concern was not them self, as evidenced by their words and deeds.  Its hard for me to picture George Washington as arrogant when he was very clear that the last thing he wanted was the burden of responsibility of leading the country.  But he did it because he could, and he was the one for the job, and he was not going to shirk a feeling of duty to his community and country.  But yet he was so strong, confident and capable.

Those are the people I hope to be more like in the future.  I realize I have to be humbled at times so that I remember to be more concerned about my family, friends, and community members and less caught up in myself.